It was a lazy day today and we went to Choengmon beach for a swim, along with the dog. She’s very cute. Everybody loves her and she loves that everybody loves her. She even wags her tail everytime she hears someone remark: “Aawwww, isn’t she lovely?” A celebrity in waiting? Perhaps.

Perhaps that’s what celebrities are most akin to -- dogs. Both want acceptance, want to be loved, and do anything for attention. It’s just that dogs do it in an honest fashion, whereas celebrities ... don’t get me started.

• • •

Went to see the ‘strife’ in her shop, used the internet for a while and then had some marvellous Green Chicken Curry in the evening beautifully prepared by the ‘strife.’ I would love to know how to cook it. No, I wouldn’t actually. I cook most days and so the odd day off to be waited on is a small but very welcome luxury.

Thinking we were going to have an early night due to the early start tomorrow but, oh no, the ‘strife’ starts on the Thai whisky and friends come round. I put some music on. George Michael first, then James Blunt; you know, slow stuff, background music, so people can chat and laugh. Finally got to bed at about midnight, whoops only five hours’ sleep now. Oh well, let’s see what tomorrow brings.

• • •

Five o’clock in the morning and the alarm goes. Groan, time to get up. Today we’re off to Suratthani for a motorbike auction. This is the reason why I wanted to buy a card to pre-book the ferry the other day so that I could get up at a reasonable hour instead of blimming 5a.m.

After a shower and a cup of tea I’m feeling a lot better so we load our essentials in the car -- documents, book to read on the ferry, dog, dog bowl, water for the dog, small plastic bag in case dog decides on number twos, ‘strife,’ money, rope and we head off to the ferry terminal in Nathon.

As suspected, we arrive at 6.25a.m. and are told the earliest ferry that we can get on is 8 a.m. Bloody pre-booking cards, bloody Donsak, so I have a little stroll to the nearest 7Eleven, purchase a hotdog, some crisps, some more water. I see Julie from Julie’s Visa Runs driving her big four-wheel drive and I stroll back to the car and we wait, and wait, and wait, then just before 8a.m. some cars near us start going to the ferry. Things are looking up, then with only one car in front of us the guy ushering the cars walks away, damn and blast! Ten minutes later two more cars are called forward -- that’s us, fantastic! We get on the ferry; in fact we are the last car on.

The ferry journey is very pleasant; we have to stay outside, obviously, with the dog in tow, although it seems to pass quickly and we arrive in Donsak and I proceed to purchase the pre-book card reasonably problem free. So off we go to Suratthani motorbike auction. Unfortunately, the ‘strife’ doesn’t drive and since her address gathering and directional capabilities are not that good (in fact they’re appalling) we had a few wrong turns. before we got it right.

 Just a side note: are all women really that bad at giving directions? Every single female I have ever encountered, wife, mother, sister, ex-girlfriends are all appalling at getting from A to B by taking the shortest possible route, the scenic route they call it, including reversing, three-point turns, comments of ‘I think it’s left here, or is it right?.’ And don’t even get me started on map reading..

So we are at the auction and it starts in about ten minutes -- and we manage to get a bidding card. The ‘strife’ sits down with the dog as gushing onlookers come forward. “Oh, isn’t she cute?” the onlookers chorushed. They were referring to the dog, of course.

I must point out that if some of you haven’t been to a Thai auction it is a very daunting place, very noisy, very difficult to understand, even if you know the Thai numbers off by heart. The proceedings happen very, very fast and it’s definitely not something for the faint-hearted.

I proceed to look at the list of over one hundred and twenty motorbikes, marking the ones I wish to inspect closer. So off I go into the burning sun, returning after a few  minutes to make the ‘strife’ aware that bike number 2 looks pretty good and she should bid up to Bt20,000 for it while I continue to look at the rest of the motorbikes. I didn’t find out until later that a very helpful gentleman who is a dab hand at auctions was advising the ‘strife’ while I was looking at the other bikes and thankfully he stopped her bidding when she had reached Bt25,000. Never ever leave the ‘strife’ in charge of money issues, what an elementary mistake. At least it didn’t spiral out of control as the bike in question ended up being sold to someone else for Bt33,000.

We could have ended up buying ten bikes. There were so many good ones there, but in the end we bought two, a Yamaha Mio in red, 10,000 km for Bt23,000 and a Honda Click Play in silver and yellow, 6,000 km for Bt26,000, although the Honda needs new wheels which I later find out are about Bt700 each.

It was a very interesting experience highlighted by my bidding attempts and not being interested in the price increments being Bt1,000  and trying to offer a bid at Bt18,500  when the auctioneer was looking for Bt19,000.

This was met with howls of laughter from the ‘strife’ as I unsuccessfully tried to talk the auctioneer into accepting my bid with everyone looking at me thinking “who is this farang jerk.” As long as the ‘strife’ has a giggle at my expense, I don’t mind going a deep shade of purple and hoping the ground will swallow me up, all in a day’s work.

After the bikes were paid for and loaded onto my pick-up the journey back was uneventful, apart from the ‘strife’ meeting a friend on the ferry and arranging to head into Chaweng later in the week.

We drove off the ferry at Nathon and headed straight for a motorbike repair garage near the airport. The owner is a friend of the ‘strife,’ his name is Bow,  I think, and his workshop is about 20 meters up from the airport arrivals.

When we arrived we unloaded the two bikes, the ‘strife’ explained that we wanted each bike serviced and checked over before we begin to rent them out and for any additional costs to be telephoned to her beforehand and home we went.

Tired, extremely tired, two ferry trips, two long car journeys, two shorter car journeys, I was looking forward to dinner and bed but the ‘strife’ had other ideas. off to the market near Big Bhudda to get some ingredients and then Phad Thai with chicken for me and a feast for her and her friends along with copious amounts of Thai whisky until she was, how can I put this nicely, ‘fissed as a part,’ and had to be helped to bed by one of her friends whilst I drank cool beer, chatted away and thought about all the comments I could throw at her in the morning to make her hideously embarrassed by her drunkenness the night before; the plotting continues…………